The language of love

LOVE IS A VERB

One of the best-selling authors Dr. Gary Chapman has written over 20 books since 1979. years. His popular book “Five Love Languages” has sold 5 million copies in English and has been translated into 36 other languages (including Arabic and Hindi).

The five love languages are:

1) Affirmative words
2) Quality time
3) Gifts
4) Acts of service
5) Physical touch

“Love is a verb” contains 40 true stories in action. Here the “Five Love Languages” are put into practice. Written by ordinary people, the love stories deal with a variety of topics including marital relationships, grown children and caring for aging parents, a person’s love for a stranger in need, and a woman learning how to love her young neighbor.

We are all familiar with the view of society where love is a feeling. This kind of love based on feelings can only last for two years. True love is not based on feelings. The common thought about love is that it starts with feelings and everything else comes with it. True love starts with an attitude, then actions, and feelings follow it all – while the usual view of love is the other way around.

dr. Chapman says, “To last long, love has to be more than what we feel. It has to be something we do. We must concretely demonstrate this in our marriages and families, among our friends and acquaintances, and yes, even toward our enemies.” Love is an active word, it’s a choice you have to make.

Here are some stories:

LOVE ABUNDANTLY

The team advises disabled veterans. One day Tim asked his wife Tamara if she remembered Tony, a charming, short, thin man in his late 40s. Tim went on to talk about how Tony was diagnosed with HIV and was moved to Denver (where Tim and Tamara were from) because of Hurricane Katrina. He was homeless, very sick and lived in a subsidized home with almost no furniture. He slept on the floor. Tamara knew she had to do something, so she decided to buy Tony a bed. She felt an urge to help him and loves him “abundantly”.

In the past, she helped others in need, but not to this extent. Tim and Tamara delivered the bed to Tony, who was overwhelmed with gratitude and emotion. Afterwards, Tim and Tamara’s friends and family also gave Tony money, furniture and other household items. On the second day, this group prepared a birthday party for him.

Tony started getting sick. He had to go to the hospital several times in one week without transportation or family to help him. Tamara decided to continue helping Tony, but he wondered why she was helping him. She told him that God knew he needed someone to love him and go through this difficult time with him.

They also found out that he had lung cancer and that he had 1.5 – 4 months left to live. Tamara encouraged Tim to call his family. In the end, he called his sister Cinthia, who took him home to take care of him. He died shortly thereafter.

Tony’s family included a photo of Tim and Tamara’s family in the funeral program, along with these words: “We could not have had a better family than you to care for our beloved Tony. It’s not enough just to say thank you!” The message of this story is that when we take a risk and love someone abundantly, it can change our life and the lives of others for the better.

DRINK MILK WITH A SPOON

Doris and Duane were blessed with 47 years of marriage when Duane passed away. After his funeral, Doris’ friend Kathy asked, “How did you and Duane manage to have such a close, loving family?” Doris also heard similar comments from others at the funeral. She remembered a time when her marriage was not idyllic.

One winter evening, Doris realized that her love for her husband no longer existed. Duane, her husband, to whom she had been married for 11 years at the time, was drinking chocolate milk with a spoon. He did this because it helped him limit his intake of chocolate milk to just one glass. It wasn’t just the rattling that bothered her; she realized that it was difficult for her to live with him. They got married very young, had three children and decided that divorce was not an option for either of them. As she thought further about her marriage, she was suddenly prompted to grab a pen and paper and make a list of her husband’s faults. When she finished, she only had five negative traits on her list. She tried to add more to the list, but failed. On another sheet of paper, she wrote down a number of Duan’s good qualities. This list was long and included many of the qualities that attracted her to Duane early in their relationship. Doris looked at it all and decided that Duane was a good man and wondered why she was so hostile towards him.

Then she made a list of her good and bad qualities. She found that her list of good qualities was only slightly longer than Duane’s bad qualities. Then she wondered why Duane had married her. She decided that she would read the list of Duane’s good qualities several times a day and work on changing her behavior. She soon gained a new respect for her husband and treated him better. Duane began to treat her with renewed love and respect. He even stopped drinking milk with a spoon! The lesson of this story is to look at the true state and value of things.

THE GIRL WHO BROKE MY HEART

Barbara worked at the Christian University where she volunteered greeting new students entering the fall semester. That was the first time she saw Angela. Angela had a shaved head with one purple strand falling on her face. She wore overalls too big for her and worn military boots. She had multiple piercings on her body and a dog collar around her neck complete with a chain that hung from her front pocket to her back pocket. Barbara thought: “How does this punk woman think to represent God with such an appearance?”

During the first semester, Barbara met this girl everywhere she moved around the campus. Barbara noticed that Angela was sitting alone most of the time. One evening, Barbara went out to dinner with her husband and noticed a homeless man. She tried not to meet their eyes. Then she remembered the biblical line: “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” (Matthew 25:40).

Barbara wrestled with this thought of how to love those who are hard to love as she went to sleep that night. She woke up in the middle of the night under the impression that God was referring her to the biblical line from 1 John 3:17 (KS): “Whoever has the goods of this world and sees his brother in need and closes his heart to him – how does the love of God remain in him?” Barbara realized that she was a hypocrite.

The next day during lunch, Barbara started a conversation with Angela and ate together with her. After that, Barbara started having lunch with Angela several times a week and saying hello when they met on campus. Soon after, Barbara stopped noticing Angela’s appearance. A month later, Barbara noticed that Angela’s appearance was changing. Angela took out her piercings. Barbara and Angela’s friendship continued to grow and Angela made a few more drastic changes: she let her hair grow out, went on a mission trip, and started wearing skirts. One day, Barbara asked her what made her change so drastically. Angela replied, “Well, I was thinking that if I look weird and you can love me like that, then I know I can look normal and other people will accept me too.”

This friendship changed Angela, but it also helped Barbara learn to love those who are hard to love and become compassionate towards those she used to judge based on their appearance. When we learn to love despite appearances, we can find a hidden gem.

Taken with permission from: CBN, http://www1.cbn.com/700club/dr-gary-chapman-language-love
Website: www.5lovelanguages.com